Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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