Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
