So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
