apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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