I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
