it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
