This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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