It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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