how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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