you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
