How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
