Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize