So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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