no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
MIDGETS
????
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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