im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
