Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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