And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
