I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
