mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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