I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
