I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
