where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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