I bet he comes in French.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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