I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
