There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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