im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
