Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
