i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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