I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
