I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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