Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i already hear my dad disowning me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
