put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
