he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
