HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
