i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize