I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
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girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
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