You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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