Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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