Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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