The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
