Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i think i have herpe
just one?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
