saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
