You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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