You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
