why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
