Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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