did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
