trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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