it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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