Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.