Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
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Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.