see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now