cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.