dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...