i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice