It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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