these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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