Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
