you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
