I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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