....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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