Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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