Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
