It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
