i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
