The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
