he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
