I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
