You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
