If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
